If Only
by rickatecastle
Summary: What would have happened if Kate had said no when Castle proposed? Her answer not affected their relationship but also has a big impact on Alexis.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Kate's POV:

Castle knelt down, "Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

The first emotion that crossed through me was relief. He wasn't breaking up with me! But quickly after, panic crashed down on me. Did I want to marry him? Did I want to MARRY HIM? We'd only been dating for a year. It was too soon. But still, I'd been in love with him for almost four, and it felt so right.

"Kate?" he stood up.

"I... Umm..." I couldn't find any words. So many thoughts raced through my mind. I wanted to go to DC. That was the only thing I'd decided previously. My job at the NYPD was amazing, comfortable, and exactly what I'd needed for the past 10 years. But it was time to move on, the train was leaving, and I wasn't going to make Castle buy a ticket.

"I got the job in DC," I mumbled, solemnly.

"What?" he strained to hear.

"I got the job, Rick!" I was close to a shout. "And I'm going to take it."

"That's..." I could tell he was struggling with what to say. "That's amazing."

I looked up, flustered. "What?"

"I didn't ask you to marry me to keep you here, Kate. I asked you because I can't imagine my life without you."

I realized he didn't care that I was going. He still wanted to be with me. He wanted to MARRY me. I wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him.

He pulled away after a few seconds and said, "Is that a yes?"

My smile fell. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to make him come with me. I couldn't do that to Alexis and Martha. But I couldn't do long distance. It would stress me out and distract me from my job. If I broke up with him, though, it would probably take years to get over him. The couple of seconds I'd spent deliberating felt like days. The silence was scratching away at me, and I couldn't take it. There was only one thing to do, whether or not I would regret it later.

"I... I can't Rick." I saw his face drop, and my heart split into a million pieces. "I'm so sorry."

And with that, I ran out of the park. I could faintly hear Castle yelling, "Kate! Hold on!" but it was too late. I couldn't go back on my decision. I got into my car and let myself go. I almost choked on the first sob, and once it came out, I couldn't stop. A river of tears flowed out of my eyes and I buried my head in my arms. Later I would be thankful that I hadn't parked next to Castle so he couldn't find me, but right then it was the last thing in my mind. I was hyperventilating and I couldn't have stopped if I'd wanted to. What have I done, I thought. So I curled up on the seat and drowned all other noise out with my tears as the world imploded on me.


	2. Chapter 2

*one month later* Castle's POV:

"Richard!" someone called through the bedroom door in a cheerful sing-song voice.

"Yes Mother!" I shouted back as she let herself in. I tapped my iPad to pause Firefly while she sat on the end of the bed. I propped the pillows up behind me to see her better.

"Look at you," she gestured to my unwashed t-shirt and pajama pants. "You cancelled your book tour because of her, which is understandable, but you need to start doing something with your days. Watching Netflix is only delaying the reality check. Eventually you need to move on."

"It's just," my voice cracked as I held back tears. "I miss her. I miss her so much."

"Oh darling," she scooted over and pulled me in for a hug. It was nice but strange; it reminded me of how she'd comforted me when I was a kid and had had a nightmare. I needed it though. I needed to know that someone was there for me, but even in my mom's loving embrace I still felt so alone.

She pulled away, "I made dinner."

"I thought you were trying to make me feel better," I said with a smirk. She glared at me, but we both laughed.

"See," she cocked her head to the side as she leaned forward and poked me. "There you are."

She added, "Alexis is coming home from Costa Rica tonight, remember?"

"I remember," I answered. "That's why I got up today."

"I wouldn't qualify this as getting up."

As she walked out the door, she said, "Just put on some real clothes okay? Alexis wouldn't want to see you like this."

I nodded as the door shut behind her.

*one hour later*

I walked out of my bedroom, showered and wearing casual, but clean, clothes. The smell of spices and meat filled the kitchen. My mom was sitting on one of the barstools, reading a book. The food was done and on serving platters.

"Is Alexis here yet?" I asked.

She looked up, a bit startled. "No, not yet."

She checked her watch. "She's half an hour late."

"Huh," I said with a concerned expression on my face.

"Oh, Richard. Don't worry! She's 20 years old, she's allowed to be late."

"You know Alexis. This isn't like her," I had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

"It's only been 30 minutes. She probably got stuck in traffic on the way back from the airport."

She saw I wasn't convinced and added, "I know you've been worried about her since Paris, but she'll be okay. If she's not here in an hour, then we'll worry."

"Okay..." I said, moving behind the counter and putting the food into the unheated oven to keep it warm. I went to my office and sat down at my desk for the first time in a long time. The laptop was in the living room so the top of the desk was practically bare. I held my feet out and pushed the side of it, staring at the walls as the chair spun around and around. I began to get dizzy so I stopped and just looked off into nothing. I felt a yank in my heart as I saw the bowl of seashells on the bookshelf in the corner of the room. Those were our shells; the ones we'd collected together in the Hamptons. She hadn't known, but I'd actually been planning to frame them and give them to her as a symbol of our story. It was too late though now. I stared at our shells for what seemed like forever, listening to the tick-tock of the clock on the wall. Eventually, my thoughts circled back to Alexis, so I wiped my face to rid of the tears I hadn't known were falling, and went back into the kitchen. Now it was my mother's turn to look concerned.

"Richard."

"Still no phone call?"

"Nothing," she looked defeated. "I've tried her four times."

I hurried back into my office to grab my cell phone and as I dialed I said, "I'm calling Ryan and Esposito."

"No," she grabbed the phone out of my hand and ended the call. She saw my puzzled look and said, "We have someone else to call, first."

I raised my eyebrows and she explained, "When Alexis was in Costa Rica, she met a boy. She was gonna bring him back here with her for dinner tonight so you could meet him. She was hoping he could stay here for a few nights."

I found I was at a loss for words, "W-w-what?"

My mother sighed. "But why would she tell you and not me?"

"Because Richard," she explained. "She didn't want to make you upset. With your breakup so recent, she didn't want to pour salt on an open wound by seeing her in a relationship. Neither of us want you to be sad."

"But..." I began, but realized it didn't matter right then.

"Whatever," I said. "Just call."

She dialed the number off of a post-it that was in the kitchen. With each ring I became more anxious. After what seemed like forever, a voice came from the other end, "Pi speaking." Normally, I would have spent some time pondering how his parents came up with that kind of a name, but there was a more important matter on my hands.

"Hi, this is Richard Castle, Alexis's father," I said as steadily as possible. Mother was right earlier, of course. Ever since she was abducted and taken to Paris, anything concerning Alexis's safety, or lack thereof, made me antsy.

"I've been informed you and Alexis were coming to dinner tonight. I was wondering if you're almost here. Where are you?"

"Umm," the chirpiness dropped out of his tone. "I'm in Costa Rica, Mr. C."

"What? Is Alexis coming by herself?"

"Not exactly. I don't really know how to say this," I just wanted him to let it out. The anticipation was killing me. "Lex and I were at a party-sort-of-thing about four days ago. She went to get us some food... but she disappeared. I didn't know what to do so I've just been here looking for her. She's not answering my phone calls and now she didn't come home on time? I'm so worried, Mr. C., and I'm so sorry. I haven't seen Alexis in four days."

I dropped the phone.


	3. Chapter 3

Sugar. Check. Milk. Check. I used the stir stick to blend my black tea. I was in the break room at my new office, and while it was weird to both me and to my coworkers that I didn't drink coffee, it was understandable. Ever since Castle and I had broken up, I hadn't touched a coffee mug. Coffee had been our thing - bringing me a travel mug to every crime scene had always been Castle's way of saying 'I love you.' Now that we were no longer together, I'd turned to caffeinated tea. It took a few more cups to wake up in the morning, yes, but it was well worth it. Coffee was just a reminder of what I'd lost, or rather, what I'd pushed away.

"Beckett!" my new partner, Agent McCord, called as I came into the main part of the office.

"What's up?" I said, taking my seat at the desk next to hers.

"We've got another case." I'd only come in for paperwork, and while whatever we were investigating would obviously be terrible, I was actual kind of excited. This would be my second case as an FBI agent, and our first one had been very successful: we'd caught the serial killer of six people. Agent McCord described our cases as "coming in waves." We could have no case for weeks at a time, and sometimes we might have one starting the day after the one before. Our days and hours were decided by the killers, not by us. It had been almost a week since we'd wrapped up the previous case, and the long days of busywork gave me too much time to daydream. My thoughts had generally been heading in the direction of Castle, and I needed something to take my mind off of it. McCord stood up, and I followed her to the whiteboard, the rest of our team close behind.

"Four women have been killed, all around 20 years old. Kelly Ross in Seattle," -she pointed at pictures while she spoke- "Natalie Thompson in Houston. Lucy Kendall in Atlanta. And yesterday, Jessica Robinson in New York City."

At that I winced. I missed Castle so much, and I missed Espo, Ryan, and Lanie a lot too, but it wasn't just that. I missed the city. I'd grown up in Manhattan. I knew its streets like the back of my hand. I'd spent my childhood there, and besides my four years at Stanford in California, I'd never lived anywhere else.

"All of the women were killed with one 9mm bullet between the eyes. We connected them through the matching bullets. Our job is to find the killer, or killers. It's not just the chance of more murders on our hands, they've abducted two more women, both also around 20. One from JFK airport, the other from a club in the Bronx."

"Now," she pointed at the one of the two pictures at the bottom of the board, "this is Kayla Lansing." As she pointed to the second girl and began her sentence - "and this is..." I cut in.

"Oh my God," she stopped speaking and glared at me. "It's Alexis."


	4. Chapter 4

Castle's POV:

My mother and I stood in the elevator in the 12th, anxiously staring at the floor numbers and waiting for the fourth floor button to light up. Ryan and Esposito were going to help us find Alexis. Apparently, she had actually been on her flight to JFK, so I didn't understand why she hadn't told Pi or why she just disappeared at the party they were at. The doors opened and we stepped into the familiar homicide department. I could see the cappuccino machine, still in its regular place in the break room. Ryan and Espo were standing in front of the murder board, checking for clues they might have missed. I guess I had expected everything would be different since Kate left, and along with that, I had to also. But everything was the same. It was the same place, with the same smell of coffee, and the same background noise of authoritative people talking over each other.

"Castle, Martha, over here," Esposito called. They stepped away from the murder board and brought us into the break room, where two more people were waiting, I assumed the parents of Kayla Lansing, the other missing girl. We sat down on the couch and it felt so weird to be in this position. This was the same room Kate and I had used to interrogate the people the department wouldn't let us go full-on at, and also where we would talk to the victim's next of kin. But now it was my turn. I was no longer on the team, I was the opposite of it. "We've ascertained information..." Ryan began, but was interrupted by the door bursting open. "The FBI will be assisting on this case," an intimidating FBI agent stepped in. "I'm Agent McCord," and then she pointed to her partner slipping in behind her. "You may know my partner, Agent Beckett."


	5. Chapter 5

*Castle's POV*

"Beckett?" I was almost shouting.

She was here. She was here?! I didn't know whether to be excited or sad. My heart was breaking. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, tell her we could make it work. But I couldn't do any of it: she'd said no.

"Castle..." she began. Agent McCord interrupted, "You two can have this conversation later. Right now we need to focus on the girls."

"Hold up," Esposito cut in. "You guys are just taking over?"

"No," McCord answered, spreading her papers across the table in the middle of the room. "The NYPD should continue to work this homicide. We've been sent to ascertain information for the kidnapping part of the case. You guys will not have to find them - that's our job."

She told us they had no video footage of Kayla getting taken, but reliable witnesses. The cameras at JFK caught Alexis's kidnapping, but the person who took her was wearing a ski mask and black clothing, and they were about 5'9", so they could be a man or woman. They told me how they'd connected the murders to the kidnappings, but my ears muted their words. I didn't want to hear it. It just reminded me that, given the track record, there was a strong chance they'd kill Alexis too, and I couldn't bear to think about that.

"Castle?" someone said to me, so I looked up and realized Kate and I were the only people left in the break room.

*Kate's POV*

"Castle?" I called out again. He looked so lost in his thoughts, I didn't think he even noticed that everyone else left. His expression changed as he acknowledged it, first surprised, then a bit scared, but the look he was giving me now was completely blank. Neither of us were really sure what to do, but he made it obvious he wasn't going to begin the conversation.

"Look... I know this might make you upset," I prompted.

"Upset?! That's a huge understatement. Kate, you don't know what you did to me..." he didn't just break the ice. He smashed it with a sledgehammer. His eyes were watering, and I was feeling so overwhelmed. Half of me wanted to run out, tell McCord I needed to sit this case out, and not talk to Castle again. But the other half wanted to grab him, kiss him, and tell him how sorry I was. I couldn't do either though. I had to do my job, and in order to do that I had to discuss this with him.

"Yes, Castle. Yes I do," I felt my own tears begin to form. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, but we're going to have to work together if we want to find Alexis," I sat down in the chair next to him, not trusting my legs to hold me up. I tried to be calm and collected, still keeping it on a more professional level, but it was more difficult than I thought it would be when I agreed to handle Alexis's case.

"I've spent the last month and a half drowning in my tears. It hurt so much, and to be honest, one day I don't think I would have gotten up. I would be gone, Kate. But the one thing that had kept me grounded is my daughter. And now she's taken away from me too?! And I have to find her, but now you're here, and it's just a reminder of the two things that are missing now."

By the time he was finished he was full-on crying, and wiping my cheek, I realized I was, too. He hunched over with his face buried in his arms. I got up and sat back down next to him, wrapping my arm around him. If we were going to find Alexis, we had to work cooperatively. So I didn't care that this might be a little farther than I should have gone. He didn't pretend he was okay with me. He didn't put on a brave face like I was trying to. I had my job to distract me from thinking about him, but I could imagine him cooped up in his house thinking about me all day, and it broke my heart. I let my head fall into my arms on the top of his arched back, and I began to cry very hard, just like he was. I'd been holding it all in for so long, and it was like he'd popped the bubble. And maybe I would regret this physical contact later, actually I knew that I would, but all I needed at that point was to feel him in my arms. Heartbeats in synch, sobs in unison, we cried as one.


	6. Chapter 6

*Castle's POV*

I leaned against the side of the elevator, waiting to get to the fourth floor. My foot tapped as I stared at the numbers. It was hard to even be in the elevator at all. Kate and I had so many memories in here. Mostly just talking, but one of my favorite moments in our whole relationship was after the magic shop case. We had been just standing in here and suddenly she pulled these fake flowers out of her sleeve. Thinking about this, I smiled, but then had to take a deep breath to keep myself from crying yet again. The day before, we'd had a moment together that I would not consider appropriate for an ex-girlfriend who said no to getting married and an ex-boyfriend who was brokenhearted. She'd had her arms around me and pretty soon we'd been one tumbling mess of tears. I didn't know what it meant for us. It seemed like she was genuinely sorry she'd hurt me, and maybe even regretted she'd said no. Every time I thought this, though, I pushed it out. Giving myself false hope for something that was already over wouldn't do any good.

•••••

The fourth floor button lit up, and I stepped out. Beckett and McCord looked over from the room they'd converted to use for the FBI.

"Over here!" McCord called.

"How'd you sleep?" Kate asked in a concerned way once I made my way over to them.

"I didn't," I answered quickly.

"Well," McCord said. "We have good news."

My fatigue left me immediately. "What is it? Did you find her?" I asked frantically.

"No, not yet," she said, and as my excitement noticeable disappeared, Beckett added, "But we traced her cell phone number. It was in a dumpster in Woodrow, Staten Island."

"Why would they go to Woodrow?" I asked.

"We aren't really sure but we found the phone right outside the Prince's Bay Post Office. We think it may have something to do with that, but there have been no disruptions recently," McCord answered.

"Hey guys," Ryan said as he and Esposito walked over to us.

"We just talked to the parents of Jessica Robinson today," Espo began.

Seeing my confused look, Beckett leaned over and whispered, "The last victim. Died here in Manhattan two days ago."

I nodded and we looked back to the boys. "Her father said that Jessica had a boyfriend, Scott Grayson. They just broke up a week ago, and phone records show he wasn't very happy with it," Esposito stated.

"And get this," Ryan added. "Traffic cams show that he made a stop after leaving work before going back to his Staten Island home."

"Let me guess," Beckett smirked. "Prince's Bay Post Office."

Ryan tapped his finger on his nose to confirm. As she and McCord explained to Ryan and Espo what they knew, I stared at her face. She always got this look when she had a suspect. This little half-smile stayed on her face while she contemplated our next move. Kate was thinking hard - she had many tells. Tiny fine wrinkles developed in her forehead, her eyebrows furrowed, and her nose scrunched up a bit. It was these kind of things that made me love her so much, and at that point I couldn't even admit it to myself, but I still knew it. I wasn't over her. I still loved Kate.


	7. Chapter 7

*Kate's POV*

We pulled up to Prince's Bay Post Office, Agent McCord driving, me in the passenger seat, and Castle in the back. I'd told him he shouldn't come; he was emotionally compromised. I couldn't blame him for not listening to me, though - his daughter was being held by murderers, after all - but still, after what he did when she was in Paris, I was worried he would make an impulsive decision. But I couldn't control him, and he was very insistent. I unbuckled my seatbelt and caught a glance of my reflection in the window as I climbed out of the car. I had to double check it was so hard to believe. My hair looked ragged; the curls were frizzy and a stripe of darker hair showed at the roots. My foundation was caked, the eyeliner was slightly smeared, and my eyebrows were all over the place - I hadn't plucked them since before the breakup.

The worst part, though, was how skinny I was. I'd admit, I'd definitely lost my interest in food. Most days I wouldn't eat breakfast or lunch, and just eat a small take-out dinner in the evening while I worked. I had also lost any motivation to exercise, so the muscles I'd once been proud of were all but gone. The turtleneck I was wearing looked like a tent around my thin frame, and the dark straight jeans were noticeably too loose. Overall, I looked like a mess. I swallowed the lump forming as we walked to the door of the post office. It was very saddening to see that I couldn't take care of myself, but I needed to focus. The job was what mattered. Alexis, probably scared to death somewhere, didn't care about my own problems, and neither did her terrified father standing next to me.

A bell went 'ding ding' as McCord opened the door. We walked to the back of the large room, past the P.O. boxes and up to the desk where the lady behind it was handing a large package to the person standing in front of us.

"FBI," McCord flashed her badge. The lady's eyes opened widely at this.

"What can I help you with?" she asked us.

"I'm Agent McCord, this is Agent Beckett, and this" -she gestured to Castle, who was standing behind us in a third wheel kind of way- "is Richard Castle."

"Richard Castle? Like the author?"

Castle looked over and mustered up a weak smile. "Yeah, that's me," he said.

"We need to take a look at your surveillance footage," I said.

"Sure, come with me."

We followed her behind the counter, into a mostly-barren office with a purse hanging over the chair, and a single computer monitor. I sat on the chair, McCord hunched behind me staring intently at the screen, with Castle hovering in the background, thoughts elsewhere. The video footage had each hour saved separately. I scrolled back to the footage from the time traffic cams had seen the last victim's boyfriend stop here. They had 5-6pm, and 7-8pm, but 6-7 (he'd stopped here at 6:20) was gone.

"It's not there," I whispered in disbelief. McCord slammed her hand down on the table.

"He must've erased it," she exclaimed.

We heard the door open, and I looked over to see Castle running out.

"I'll see if it was saved to a hard drive, maybe we can still get our hands on it," McCord said.

"If we can figure out why he stopped here wit Alexis maybe we can figure out where he took her and Kayla," I said.

"I know. You better go check on Castle," she said to me.

I ran out of the post office and found him sitting on the sidewalk, back against the building.

He noticed me and mumbled, "How can it just be gone?"

I slid down the wall and sat next to him.

"Maybe it's not," I tried to give him hope. "We might be able to restore it."

"Bullshit," he said, not angry at me, just at the situation.

"That was our only lead, and now it's gone." I noticed his eyes watering, and was at a loss for words.

We sat in silence for a full minute before he said to me, "You don't understand, Kate. Last time, with Paris, I had you," -I looked away- "and Ryan and Esposito and a way to spend my days and..." his voice cracked, "even without my biological family, I still had my other family. I still had you, Kate. Now that entire part of my life is gone. And I need Alexis more than ever. I need to know that she's safe. And she needs me. She's who-knows-where, by herself," -he was full on crying at this point- "and I have no way to help her."

I took a deep breath. "I know we're not still together," I began, "but I still care about you. Maybe not in the same way I used to, but it's difficult to see you so upset. And I still care about Alexis, too. She and Kayla deserve to be found. I want you to know that I'm going to do everything in my power to make that happen."

"She might already be..." he couldn't say the word 'dead' but I understood what he meant.

"Oh come on. We were almost eaten by a tiger, we almost froze to death, we almost drowned in my car, we've almost been blown up more than once. But we've always pulled through. Always. And even though our partnership is different now, we still will. I'm not going to let your daughter die, Castle," my own tears were forming at this point. We had so many memories, and I missed it so much. I really just missed him.

"Let's go back inside," I said, uncomfortable with how vulnerable I felt.

He nodded, new strength forming inside him. "If we want to get her back, we have work to do."


	8. Chapter 8

*Alexis's POV*

A bright light was all I saw as my eyes creaked open. My vision adjusted to the intense glow of the lamp next to me, and I noticed I was not alone. I lifted my head off the ground to get a better look. A long, light brown braid faced me. Below it, the girl's hands were cuffed together behind her back. I tried to reach forward, but found that, like her, my wrists were bound to each other. Alternatively, I nudged her back with my shoulder. She slowly rolled over to face me.

"Who are you?" I tried to call out, but found my mouth was duct taped.

The last thing I remembered was getting of the plane at JFK and walking towards baggage claim. I'd just gotten back from Costa Rica and was on my way home, but had not brought Pi. He was probably wondering where I was. I'd left him at the club four days before my flight. As I thought about this, a knot of guilt grew in my stomach. It wasn't my fault. I didn't want to leave him or make him worry, but they made me. A blocked number had texted me while we were at the club and had scared me into leaving. I was planning on calling Pi and explaining when I got home, but well that didn't work out.

"Where am I?" I tried again to speak, but it came out as a singular noise.

This time though, someone noticed. A man carrying a small, but very intimidating handgun towered above me. I felt so vulnerable, lying helpless on the ground unable to move my hands or speak. He reached down to snatch the neckline of my shirt and yanked me up, choking me in the process. He set me on the ground and pinned the gun to my back.

Turning to the mystery girl still on the ground he said, "Don't try to go anywhere," and then gestured, with the hand holding the gun, to another guard standing by the double doors. Standing up, I could see the general description of where I was. The room was lit dimly, and the walls and ceiling were dark. Even the doors were steel.

"Let's go," the man barked at me, pulling a bag over my head to prevent me from knowing my location. The heat of the gun burned into my side as we walked out.


	9. Chapter 9

*Castle's POV*

"Let's go," Beckett said as we climbed into her FBI car.

"Isn't McCord coming?" I buckled my seatbelt.

"No, she's talking to Kayla Lansing's parents. We think we're getting close to finding her."

"Wait. If you find Kayla then you'll find Alexis, right?! They were taken by the same people," I exclaimed.

It had been 38 hours since Alexis was taken and I hadn't slept or ate; I ran on purely coffee. I couldn't even think about what was happening to her.

"We hope so, but not necessarily. Maybe they're being held in different places," Kate answered as she stepped on the gas. I let that thought sink in for awhile. They were close to finding Kayla, but we were nowhere with Alexis. We had some information, yes - Jessica Robinson's boyfriend was definitely involved. So if we could find him then we'd get Alexis back. We had no idea where he was, though. It had been over a day since he'd been in Staten Island with Alexis. They could have gotten to anywhere in the world by then. We slowed to a stop at a red light. After a moment, I could feel Kate's gaze. I turned to face her, and suddenly our faces were only inches apart. I tilted my head and began to lean forward. She didn't do the same, but she didn't move away. As our lips were about to touch, the car behind us loudly honked for us to go. We both yanked our heads back to where they were and she hit the gas pedal. The rest of the drive was spent in silence. It ate away at us, and as we pulled up to a destination unknown to me, I couldn't stand it.

"I'm sorry," I said abruptly. She tilted her head sideways as to communicate that she was confused. "I shouldn't have done that," I added.

"You didn't do anything, Castle. Nothing happened," she softly said. "I know, I know. But-"

"No," she cut me off, "nothing happened, Castle. It's fine."

I took this as a cue to get out. I noticed we were parked in front of a diner.

"Are we meeting someone here?"

"No, we're not," she answered as we walked in, "but you haven't eaten since we started the investigation, and I figured we could get some breakfast."

A bell jingled as we walked through the door, and we took a seat down at the booth. A few minutes later, after we'd ordered, I said, "So, how have you been?"

She took a sip of her coffee before answering, "Well... I really like my new job." She mustered up a weak smile.

"That's good," I replied.

"Yeah, what about you? Have you kept working with Espo and Ryan this whole time?" she asked as she peeled the orange on her plate.

How had I been? This was a question I had not been prepared for, but I supposed I had it coming. What was I going to say though? I've been hiding in my bedroom trying to forget about you? Alexis was my only hope in being happy again and now she was missing? I didn't think so.

"Umm, no. I stopped working with them until now," I offered, avoiding the first question.

"Mmmm." We are our food in silence for awhile.

"Castle?" she said suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry that I agreed to investigate Alexis's kidnapping," she stared intensely at her food.

"What? Why?"

"I was wrong to impose. We both need space to... deal with what happened, and I should have just told McCord I couldn't do it. So... I'm sorry, Castle."

"Beckett," I put my hand on top of her's so she'd look up at me. "You're one of the smartest people I've ever met. Other than myself, of course." - she chuckled - "Putting our personal history aside, I'm very glad to have such an amazing detective on her case. I've said it before and I'll say it again; you really are extraordinary. If anyone's going to find Alexis, it's you."

She smiled, and I noticed her hand was still under mine.

"So," she said. "At least for now - friends?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Friends."


	10. Chapter 10

*Alexis's POV*

I screamed as he ripped the duct tape off my mouth. I licked my lips but it did no good. They were cracked, dry, and stung badly.

"Please!" I croaked out, so scared I could barely talk. I was pushed through a hallway into a new room, the door slammed behind me, and suddenly I was all alone. I flung all my weight against the door, but the deadbolt was too strong. Collapsing on the floor, I heaved. Trying to see through the blurred, teary screen covering my eyes, I saw this new room for what it was. There was what looked like a dentist chair in the middle, with a tall, small table next to it. The walls were blank with no windows. But wait - there was a door frame across the room! I couldn't see what was behind it, but I took my chance. Hopping up, I ran over as quickly as I could. I wiped the teardrops off my cheeks with the back of my hand, and was about to turn the handle when it opened towards me and I fell onto the ground.

"What do you want from me?!" I screamed through sobs as a new man came into the room, towering above me. He yanked me up. Unlocking one of the cuffs, I was thrown onto the dentist chair. He grabbed my wrists, wrapped them around the back of the chair, and cuffed them together again, rendering me motionless.

"Where is she?" he growled at me with a raspy voice.

"Where is who?" I mumbled through my tears.

"Where is Kate Beckett?" I looked into his eyes, full of confusion.

"What?" I asked.

"Where is Kate Beckett?!" he called out again.

"Umm, in D.C.," I answered, voice shaking, even though I still had no idea what was going on.

"What is her FBI team name?" he asked.

"I... I don't know."

At this his face became even colder than it already was. I still had no answer though. I didn't even know FBI teams had names at all. He pulled a rolled up cloth out of his back pocket and placed it on the small table next to me. He took his time unrolling it, giving me view to see the small, sharp tools inside.

He pulled out one that looked like a long, metal toothpick, and said to me in a gentle tone, "I'll only ask one more time, Alexis Castle."

He proceeded to shout, "Now what is Kate Beckett's team called?"

"I don't know," he approached me, "I swear to you I have no idea."

My lip trembled as I spoke, and he picked up what looked like a small set of pliers from his collection.

"Mmmm," he creepily hummed. "You have beautiful teeth darling."

He forced open my jaw with the long toothpick, sticking it in my mouth, holding my bottom and top teeth away from each other. I moved my tongue around but it wouldn't budge.

My mouth wouldn't close. "I'd hate to see them go to waste."

He plunged the pliers into my mouth, making me gag, and yanked one of my molars out. I screamed in horror, and the tears kept flowing. He giggled at my pain, pulling the toothpick out, and giving me silence for a moment; he wiggled the pliers with the tooth inside in front of me and I could taste the blood flowing from where my tooth had been. I moved my tongue into the gap and tried to slow the bleeding.

"Now, sweetie. I'd hate to take any more of those precious little teeth, but I will if I have to," his grin was larger and scarier than that of the Cheshire Cat.

"I don't know what her team is called. I'm sorry. But what good would that do you, anyway? If you want to kill her, I'm sure there's an easier way to get her address than going through her team," my brain found its way into the conversation amidst all of my sobs and sniffs.

"Oh, my sweet, innocent Alexis," his hand caressed the bottom of my chin and up my cheek. I scowled in disgust and threw my head sideways. He yanked his hand away, and held it while giving me a you-hurt-my-feelings look.

"I don't want to kill her, dear."

"Then what do you want from her?" I asked. It had been a month since I'd seen Detective Beckett, and to be honest, after hearing from Grams about what she'd done to my dad, I wasn't really in the mood to protect her whereabouts from this man.

"You don't understand. I'm a fan," a giddy, childlike smile filled his face, and I could picture swirls in his eyes, like on cartoons when a character is crazy.

"Of Detective Beck- Agent Beckett?"

"Oh no, silly girl. Of your father," the toothy smile didn't fade.

He continued, "The breakup has been all over magazines. I have to get them back together if I want Nikki Heat to stick around in his books."

"Ohh," everything was starting to make sense in my mind. It was about a deranged fan who'd taken it too far; a man with a mental illness who'd made the relationship of Beckett and my dad his obsession. The reason he was trying to get the "name of her team", and from me of all people, in order to find her was because he was literally crazy.

"So, honey," he leaned in close enough that I could smell the liquor on his breath. "What is the name of Kate Beckett's team?"

I felt the aching hole in my mouth, knowing what was coming next, but didn't have an answer. He pulled back, grabbed the two tools he needed, and grinned.

"Sorry, looks like time's up!"

I swallowed.


	11. Chapter 11

*Castle's POV*

I sat in my office staring intensely at the second hand of the clock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. It moved slowly in a circle. I counted down as it reached the time I was dreading. 4. 3. 2. 1. Tears filled my eyes. 48 hours. It had been 48 hours since Alexis was taken at JFK. The time stamp on the video cameras gave me the exact second. I turned the chair around and stared up at the ceiling. I knew from working on the case with the kidnapped boy with Beckett that once it had been 48 hours, the chance of finding a missing child alive decreased tremendously. Even just the thought of someone hurting her, not even killing her, was too much to bare. Suddenly there was a rhythmic knock on my office door.

"Not right now," I called, not in the mood to speak to my mother. I was a mess, and I knew I wouldn't be able to plaster a smile on my face. My mother worrying was something I hated. As a grown man, I could take care of myself. I didn't like it when she was stressed about me. Of course it was also difficult for her, her granddaughter having been taken, but I knew that she was just as worried about my well-being as she was about Alexis's.

"Umm, Castle it's me," a voice called back. A voice that sang like a bird, that was laced with richness and that had once been called a "bedroom voice" by a pesky criminal during a bank robbery. A voice with only one owner with whom I was very acquainted with: Katherine Beckett.

I flipped back around and straightened my back, wiping tears off of my face as I said, "Come in."

She opened the door so cautiously it was strange. Her fragile face was stricken with so much concern it almost looked like... terror.

"Kate, I'm fine. I just... I have allergies," I wiped my cheeks again. She walked over and sat down across from me, smoothing down the sleeves of her black trench coat, the horrified look still not leaving her face.

She tucked a dark curl behind her ear and finally answered, "No, Castle. It's not that. I umm..." her voice shook as she reached into her pocket and pulled out an envelope, "I umm, I found this in my mailbox this morning. I haven't shown McCord or the boys yet. I came straight here."

She said this last sentence like it was a question, like she was looking for reassurance that it was the right thing to do. The edges of her lips had formed a deep frown, and her brown eyes were brimming with teardrops. It looked like she was about to have a breakdown.

"What? What is it?" I asked, the sight of her tearing up almost making me do the same. She just shook her head, covering her face with her left hand so I couldn't see she was crying, although the shaking, labored breathing was enough to give it away. Using her other arm she pushed the envelope over to me, our hands colliding. I picked it up, opened it and pulled out the paper from inside. Typed up neatly was a letter addressed to the both of us:

"Deer Richard Castle and Kate Beckett, Your breakup has efected more peeple then just the too of you. It's heartbrakeing to heer that my favrit othor is no longer with the inspirashun to my favrit caracter. That leaves me to ponder the queshtin: will Nikki Hear survive? I reely hope so, but I'm not takeing chanses. You have to git back together, or I simply cannot return your preshus Alexis. Sorry. With luv, A fan :)"

I looked back at Kate, just as shocked as she was. The writer of this letter had the spelling skills of a first grader but perfect grammar, and it was obvious they knew what they were doing. So what did this mean? A fan? This person had to just be mentally ill. So a crazy fan was upset with the fact that Kate and I broke up because it would mean no more Nikki Heat in my books? But what about the four murder victims? It didn't make sense.

"I'm so sorry, Castle," she said, followed by indecipherable sentences Kate was trying to form through her sobs. She moved her hand away and looked at me, red tear stains streaking her cheeks. I now understood why she was so upset: it had been her who'd broken up with me, and this technically meant that she had indirectly caused Alexis's kidnapping.

"Hey, hey, shh," I reached across the desk and took her small hands in my mine. I looked right into her eyes, not upset at her at all. She'd made the decision she thought was right when she turned down my proposal. I didn't agree with it, and it had hurt me, but I honestly kind of respected that she'd taken charge of her career.

"Kate, this is not your fault," I didn't take my eyes off of hers.

"You know, I've listened to you tell an endless amount of victims' families the same thing: that the only person to blame is the killer. And in this case, the only person to blame is this guy-" I nodded my head toward the letter, "who kidnapped her. And yeah. It's horrible and terrible and I think everyone who knew Alexis has found a way blame themselves. But it's really not your fault, Kate," tears brimmed my eyes, "and it's not mine either. And it's not Pi's, or my mother's, or anyone's. It's the people who took her. They're to blame. And the only way you're going to know for sure of that is to find her, which I know you will. But for now, you need to just trust me, okay? Can you do that?"

She'd stopped crying, and now nodded at me. "Yeah," it came out so sparsely she cleared her throat and repeated herself. "Yes," she said, "I trust you, Castle."

"Good. So trust me when I say that it is not your fault. And trust me again when I promise you that I know you will find my daughter and bring her back to me."

She pulled her hands out of mine and wiped her face. "You know, we might be able to get a fingerprint off of this."

She pointed to the letter and envelope on the table. "Or at least a partial," she said.

"You're right," I said as I scooted the chair back and stood up. I walked around the desk and took her hand, "Let's go back to the precinct and give this to Agent McCord."

She stood up and walked out with me. A slight smile formed on her face as she said, "Let's go find Alexis."


	12. Chapter 12

*Kate's POV*

I sat down on the frosty bench with a steaming hot chocolate in my hand. A snowflake fell onto my nose and slowly melted until it was a drop of water sliding down my face. I stared out at the ice skating rink in front of me at Rockefeller Center. A small girl was trying to skate, her dad holding her waist to keep her up. My mind flashed back to my first time at this rink, the most famous in New York. It was with my mom and dad when I was 5 years old on Christmas night, so long ago yet I remembered it so clearly. I'd put on my new pink puffer coat and fleece black pants, a wool scarf and a knit hat. I remember being so excited that they let me rent the shiny gold skates, although they were much more expensive than the regular ones. We'd skated for hours, until we took our third hot chocolate break and I fell asleep in my mother's arms. It was one of the favorite endings to a Christmas I'd ever had. Now, 29 years later, I was here again on Christmas, but now I was by myself. I didn't have my parents, I wasn't with Castle, Alexis was missing because of me, my dad was up in his cabin, and McCord insisted that none of us work; I didn't have anywhere to go. And so I was all alone on Christmas.

I sipped my cocoa and watched the little kids skating along the ice with their parents, each one full of joy, still so happy from all of the new toys they'd gotten. The rink was full of white Christmas lights, making the whole place glow against the dark sky. Next to the desk where they rented out the skates, there was a tall Christmas tree covered in colorful bulbs. The skaters going in circles looked like the little porcelain dolls in a music box. Everything was coated in a layer of bright white snow. The whole place just felt, smelled, sounded, tasted, and looked like Christmas. It really was a winter wonderland. It was very bittersweet. I sighed, taking a sip of my drink, and attempted to drown out my loneliness in the happiness of the kids and the calm holiday music. I tried but didn't succeed. A tear trickled down my cheek, falling onto my lap and into the snow that had collected there. I pushed away everyone I loved, this was obvious to me at that moment. There was one simple, unavoidable fact: I was all alone on Christmas, and my only wish was to be sitting in front of a fire in Castle's arms. But no - I had said no to his proposal. It was all my fault, and now we would only ever have that one amazing Christmas from the last year.

"Beckett?" some called from behind me. I turned around, surprised, and for a split second believed that maybe Christmas miracles did exist.

"Castle?" I asked, "What are you doing here?"

He came around the bench and sat down next to me, saying, "I could ask you the same question. I come here every Christmas with um, with Alexis."

There was pain in his eyes while he said this, but as I noticed that, I also realized how beautiful his eyes were. Blue and deep like the sea, with gold flecks and a dark outer ring. They sparkled like the sun hitting ocean waves. Castle's eyes were just mesmerizing. But as I registered what he was saying, how he was all alone too, I focused my thoughts elsewhere.

"What about Martha? I thought you always had Christmas dinner with Martha and Alexis," I said, smoothing my hair down and feeling the snow that has begun to bury itself inside.

"No, we have Christmas Eve dinner together. Christmas night has always just been for Alexis and me," he answered, looking off in the distance as he spoke.

I nodded and smiled slightly. "Well... I'm alone too," I said, staring straight in front of me, watching the skaters glide across the ice.

"Were there any fingerprints on the letter or envelope?" he asked me, a hint of curiosity dripping into his tone.

I wet my my bottom lip with my tongue and answered, "There was nothing. Not even any DNA on the envelope." The hope in his face quickly transferred into undeniable disappointment. He looked so vulnerable, and I would have done anything to bring him back to his normal self, although I knew the only thing I could do to accomplish that would be to bring his daughter back to him.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking up at him.

"So what are we going to do now?" he asked.

"We're looking into every possible lead," I offered.

He frowned, "So we're nowhere. That's what you say when we're back at square one."

I pursed my lips and sighed, "I'm not gonna lie to you Castle. We aren't very far."

He sighed, and I put my hand on his arm and added, "But we aren't nowhere! We know Jessica Martinez's boyfriend is involved. We know it has something to do with the post office in Staten Island. We do have leads. We have good leads, Castle."

"I know I brought it up but... could we just not talk about this tonight? With Christmas and everything," he asked solemnly.

"Yeah, of course," I answered, not really sure what to say.

"Okay, well," he said as he stood up, "I think I'm gonna go home. Have a good night, Kate. Merry Christmas."

"Wait!" I grabbed the end of his sleeve, "Like I said, Castle, I'm alone tonight too. Maybe... maybe we could be alone together."

He sat back down, his face a strange mix of depression and serenity, and said, "That sounds nice."

We sat in silence for what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes. I watched the snow falling, so gentle yet so powerful, covering the entire city and cloaking the trees. It fell onto my eyelashes, my nose, my bare fingertips, and melted on my skin. I shivered, my black trench coat not warm enough for this chilly Christmas night.

"Here," Castle pulled off his coat and placed it around my shoulders. He kept his right arm around me, and I slowly warmed up both physically and emotionally in the comfort of his touch. I scooted towards him until our torsos were touching and laid my head on his chest. Our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces, and the heat radiating into me was the nicest thing I'd felt in months. Once again, we bathed in silence, the city noiseless from the falling snow. I kept thinking about my decision in the park months earlier. Him, down on one knee. Me, crushing both of our fragile hearts with a simple, world-shattering word. I closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat, and felt so safe. I was wrapped in a blanket of warmth and love, but there was an underlying thought in my head that the moment either of us moved it would all end. We weren't a couple, yet we were acting like one. I tried to push the thought away, and counteracted it by wanting more of him. I took his hand in mine. It felt so hot compared to my freezing one. We sat like that for a little while: my head on his chest, holding hands, just watching the snowflakes fall. It was absolutely perfect, but it had to end. I tilted my head up to look at him, and he looked back at me. Our noses almost touching, our eyes interlocked, our lips just inches away. I told myself it was wrong, but I didn't want to think. I wanted to be. I moved my head slightly forward, and our lips locked together. I wanted to cry in relief, the spark was more alive than ever. He hesitated, but then kissed me back. It was a fury of passion and love. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his came around my waist, pulling me closer. But then, suddenly, he broke it off.

"Kate?" he murmured.

"What is it?" I asked, scared that I knew what he was going to say.

"We can't do this," he responded.

"I know, but... Castle," I sighed.

"No, I'm serious," he pulled himself out of my arms and stood up.

"You don't understand," he said with tears in his eyes, "I still love you, Kate."

I almost choked when he said this. I loved him too. I loved him so much, but I hadn't realized he loved me back still.

He continued: "and that means that I can't just start over. I can't just date you like we used to. We can't kiss if we aren't going to even be together!" His face was full of agony and regret.

"But..." I searched my mind for something to say, but realized I wouldn't find anything in there. It was all in my heart, "I don't wanna start over, Castle. I made a mistake saying no to you."

It was like a hundred pounds were taken off my chest as I let this out. Teardrops began to bead in both of our eyes. He was speechless. I stood up and put my hands on the sides of his shoulders.

I kept going, "I love you so much, Rick. I did then, and I still do. And I ALWAYS will. I can't change that! I screwed up. I put my career over my love, and that is my biggest regret." Both of us were crying at this point.

"Does that mean..." he choked out.

"If the offer still stands," I answered.

He looked down and fumbled around in his pant pocket until he pulled out a ring, by itself, with no box but his hand.

"You still carry it around?" I asked in astonishment, wiping joyful tears off of my cheeks.

"Every day," he answered and knelt down in the snow. "I fell for you the moment I saw you. I've watched you rise and fall. I've seen you at your best and I've seen you at your worst. You know me inside and out, Kate. You're my other half. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you each day for the rest of my life. Always. I am completely, madly, irretrievably in love with you. So yes, the offer still stands. Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

I was crying so hard in joy I couldn't speak. I knelt down next to him, nodded, and fell into his arms, attempting to pour all of my love for him into a kiss.

"Hold on," he grinned and pulled away. He slipped the ring onto my finger, and pulled me back in to kiss me.

We sat there for what seemed like forever, the snow weaving its way into our hands and clothes, under the dark sky, with Christmas music playing softly in the background. We were a tumbling mess of sobs and love. I sat in front of him, he put his arms around me, and we watched the kids ice skating.

"Merry Christmas, Castle," I said to him.

"Merry Christmas, baby. I love you so much," he murmured as he kissed the top of my head, tears flowing down his cheeks. I stopped playing with the engagement ring on my finger, and pulled his arms tighter around me.

"I love you too," I answered.

"Always."

"Always."


	13. Chapter 13

*Castle's POV*

I yawned and stretched my arms out as my eyelids peaked open. My hand hit something on the side of me, and from it came a groan. I quickly sat up and leaned against the headboard until I remembered who was there.

"Kate," I lightly combed my fingers through her hair, waiting for her to become fully-awake.

"Castle?" she asked, confused and adorably oblivious, still in sleep-mode.

"Oh my god, Castle," she abruptly sat up, and held out her hand. Her engagement ring sparkled against the sunlight coming from the window.

"So it wasn't a dream," she said, and leaned over to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around her waist, so full of joy that we were back together.

"I'll go get us some coffee," I suggested, and pulled off the covers to stand up.

She did the same, saying, "And I'll make some breakfast."

I walked over to my dresser and grabbed two t-shirts and a pair of pajama pants. I handed her one of the shirts, and slipped on the pants and a shirt. She pulled my t-shirt on, and I almost laughed at how it was practically a dress on her.

"Come on," she wrapped her hands around my neck and kissed me slowly, then grabbed my hand as we walked out to the kitchen.

"Mother's not home," I explained the empty kitchen to Kate. As I walked over to the coffee machine and began our cappuccinos, I added, "She went to stay with a friend. Said the house reminded her too much of Alexis."

I heard the fridge door open and close, and soon after the sound of bacon sizzling on a pan. I grabbed two mugs and filled them up. I poured the foam in, creating a heart in Kate's. Picking hers up, I came from behind, wrapping my arm around her waist and planting a kiss in the nook of her neck. She smiled and turned around to kiss me as she saw the heart in her coffee.

"What are we gonna do Castle? About Alexis?" she asked while she grabbed the eggs out of the fridge.

"We're going to go back to the precinct, you're going to do your job, I'm going to help, and we're gonna find her."

I heard the eggs break against the ground. Bewildered, I stared at the crazy grin on her face and the dropped carton on the floor.

"What? What is it?" I asked frantically.

"Oh my god, Castle. We're so stupid," she said, joyful tears forming in her eyes. "Castle! The crazy fan took her because we weren't together!" she exclaimed.

My knees went weak as I realized what this meant. She turned off the stove and we ran into my room to get dressed, leaving the egg mess on the floor.

"We're together again," I said unbelievingly as I pulled on my pants. I repeated it over and over in my head, the entire situation so overwhelming I had to convince myself it was real.

I threw a shirt on, saying, "He's gonna give her back," and then repeating, much louder, "He's gonna give her back!"

Kate and I literally ran out the door, uneaten bacon laying in the pan, untouched cappuccinos sitting on the counter. Both of us had tears streaming down our faces as we climbed into the car, and took off to the precinct.

I repeated over and over, still not believing, as we drove, "Alexis is coming home. Alexis is coming home."


	14. Chapter 14

Kate's POV:

"Ryan! Esposito! McCord!" I yelled as the doors of the elevator opened and Castle and I ran out.

"Yo, what's up?" Esposito called from the murder board.

"Beckett, what's going on?" McCord questioned, walking over to where Esposito and Ryan were standing.

"Are you guys okay?" Ryan asked, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

I caught my breath and said, "So the kidnapper took Alexis because Castle and I weren't together."

"Yeah, we saw the letter," Ryan answered.

"Well," I said, holding up my left hand and letting the ring speak for itself.

"Oh wow," Esposito and Ryan hugged us, and gave us their congratulations.

"I'll get the press on the line," McCord said and turned around to pick up the phone and dial in numbers.

"We'll get the local news channel outside. You guys can go out and announce your engagement; maybe the son of a bitch will see it," Esposito suggested.

"He better," I muttered under my breath.

I felt Castle's hand making small circles on my back and he wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned into him and used his body to keep me steady. This was all so unreal.

McCord hung up the phone and said "I've got reporters from five different news stations on their way. We'll go outside in ten."

"Yeah okay," Castle answered as his arm came off of me and McCord called me over to where the FBI was set up.

"Anything new?" I asked McCord.

"Unfortunately no. But Beckett, in the event that telling the press about your engagement doesn't do anything, I want you to know I'm taking you off the case," she stated gently, organizing papers on the desk.

"What?" I choked out.

"You and I both know you're compromised, Beckett," the look on her face told me she was sorry.

"No, no I'm not," my voice was still quiet but stern.

I continued, "My relationship with Castle and Alexis makes me even more motivated. There's a difference between motivated and compromised."

"Yeah, you're right. There's a big difference, and I believe that you're compromised. In the event that we were getting Alexis, for instance, I wouldn't be able to trust that you'd be able to work. Listen. It's understandable, okay? But you're going to have to stop with this case after you talk to the reporters," she told me as my anger and confusion grew stronger.

"But, McCord-"

"Beckett. You're off the case. No arguing," her voice was firm and I decided it wasn't worth it.

I walked out of the door without replying and found Castle with Ryan and Esposito, who were trying to comfort him and get him ready.

"Hey," his voice lit up as he saw me.

"You guys ready?" Esposito asked, and we nodded and got into the elevator.

"It's time to get Alexis back," Castle said as the elevator cart went down.

I smiled and said, "Let's go tell the world that Richard Castle is engaged."


	15. Chapter 15

*Castle's POV*

"Richard Castle! Over here!"

"Castle!"

"Over here, Mr. Castle!"

Reporters swarmed us like bees around a nest. I wrapped my arm around Kate's waist as we pushed to the front, attempting to comfort her. I was used to this type of situation, being the object of everybody's attention. I knew, however, she didn't like this. My hand rubbed up and down the small of her back and her muscles became less tense. The crowd erupted in gasps at the simple touch.

"Detective Beckett, are you and Mr. Castle back together?"

"Castle, are you back in a relationship with Kate Beckett?"

They kept questioning us until we reached the front of the crowd. A whole lot more than five reporters had shown up; it looked more like thirty. On top of that, they were attracting attention and people from all around the street had gathered to see what was happening. It made me nervous but also excited - after all, we wanted as many people as possible to know the news if we wanted to save Alexis. We climbed a few steps of the staircase in the front of the building so we were standing slightly above all of the reporters. Staring out at all the people, I took Kate's hand gently in mine and lightly squeezed it.

"Ehemm," I cleared my throat loudly and the crowd silenced immediately.

"We've called you all here today to announce something very important to us," I spoke slowly, trying to keep my voice steady.

The flashes of cameras caused me to squint. My stomach was in knots, but I took a deep breath, and continued.

"As many of you know, my daughter, Alexis, is missing." Kate squeezed my hand to comfort me but it did nothing. It was so difficult to even think about Alexis knowing the danger she was in and unsure what they were doing to her, but I had to continue speaking so she could be safe again.

"Well, we're hoping to reach him or her and beg for Alexis back. We also hope he or she acknowledges that Kate and I," I took a breath, "are engaged."

The crowd erupted in questions.

"Mr. Castle!"

"Detective Beckett!"

"What does this mean for the Nikki Heat series?"

"How long have you been back together?"

"When will the wedding be?"

I held Kate's hand and pushed back to the precinct door. The uniform officers we'd asked to come stand out front held off the reporters as Esposito and Ryan ushered us inside.

"We'll be up soon," Espo said.

"Yeah, we're just gonna take care of the crowd. We'll see you guys up there," Ryan added. I nodded slightly and walked to the elevator, Kate's fingers still interlocked in mine. We didn't speak until the doors shut.

"Now the world knows," she stated, pressing the button for the fourth floor and then tilting her head to rest on my shoulder.

I moved my chin down and kissed her lightly on the top of her head, pulling my hand out of hers to wrap it around her waist.

"Should we try to contact the kidnapper? You know, to tell him?" I questioned.

"No, I think the minute he turns on the news he'll know," she replied, her back vibrating against me as she spoke.

"So what now?" I asked quietly.

She sighed, obviously just as unsure as I was, and answered, "Now we wait."


	16. Chapter 16

*Alexis's POV*

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Rook ran in sounding like a deranged teenage girl.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," he couldn't calm himself enough to tell me what was going on, but I was used to it. I figured I might've spent a week at most with him, but when you're locked in a room time finds a way to stretch itself out. He'd told me his name was Rook, although this was obviously a delusion, as that was the last name of the character my dad based off himself in the Nikki Heat series. After all this time we'd spent together, he definitely had bipolar as well as what else was going on inside his brain. Half of the time, he would sit on the chair next to the one I was locked up in and apologize for all that he'd done, tell me he regretted it. He'd continue to tell me all about his childhood, the abuse that went on in his home, and how he'd fought for legal emancipation at age fifteen. When he was like this, he was overly hyper and could barely get all of the thoughts out, but at least he was kind to me. The rest of the time, though... well I'd received dark bruises on my arms, a shallow cut across my cheek, and missing teeth.

I hadn't cried in a long time. It just took my energy, and to be honest, there weren't really any tears left. I got them all out in the first few hours. I'd almost choked on my tears when he had told me about his crimes right after he'd pulled the first tooth. He'd admitted it all. The four girls who were dead all had just been for fun - no real reason behind it, just a brain I would never understand. When he killed the last girl, whose name he said was Jessica, her boyfriend had been witness to it, so Rook took him as well. He also said that he was out partying once and say the girl, the one I'd originally woken up next to, and decided it would be "fun" to kidnap her. Then, when Rook found out about Beckett and my dad splitting up, he'd taken me, and for some reason, had forced Jessica's boyfriend into stopping by the post office and picking something up for him. That part didn't make sense until the next day, when he'd brought his laptop into the room and giddily showed me the live streaming from the video cameras he'd set up at the post office. He'd made Jessica's boyfriend go by so the police would go there to investigate and Rook could stalk my father even more. When I'd it, I'd been shocked that Beckett was there as well, but when I saw her new partner, I knew she was with the FBI and that they'd come to investigate my kidnapping. Even after all the trouble she'd inflicted on my family, after she'd broken my dad's heart, and after all the resentment I felt toward her, I still knew she was the best at her job.

But now, days later, Rook was here practically dancing around the room in a joy he couldn't express in words, and I was relieved he was in a joyous mood instead of a cranky one.

"What? What is it?" my voice sounded hoarse after days of not talking to anyone.

His yellow teeth peaked out from his lips as he attempted to hold back his excitement.

"Just look, just look, my dear," he placed the laptop gently on my lap, and, knowing my wrists were handcuffed to the chair, pushed it toward me so I could see.

It was the CNN homepage, and Rook reached to click 'play' on a video. I gasped when I realized it was my father. I became even more shocked when I realized he was standing next to Beckett, and he was holding her hand.

"We've called you all here today to announce something very important to us," he began, his eyes moving like he was trying to find somewhere to look.

"Rook, what is this?" I asked harsher than I expected. It made me angry to see my father under distress.

"Don't use that tone with me," he growled and slammed his fist down onto my arm, making me cry out in pain. "Remember," he whispered, "I'm in charge."

His voice raised its pitch and became happy again as he said, "Just keep watching, just keep watching."

I decided to keep my mouth shut and turned my attention back to the screen.

"As many of you know, my daughter, Alexis, is missing," my dad continued. A tear trickled slowly down my cheek. This wasn't fair. Not to me and even more not to him. I would rather be stuck here for the rest of my life than have my dad be that upset.

"Well we're hoping to reach him or her and beg for Alexis back. We also hope he acknowledges that Kate and I-"

My thoughts were racing 'no, no, no.'

"-are engaged," my dad finished and walked back into the precinct with Beckett.

'No, no, no, no, no,' my mind wouldn't be quiet.

Rook squealed, "Isn't it great?"

I bit my lip to keep from upsetting him. I didn't want my dad to be with Beckett again! She's broken his heart. She'd flipped his life upside down and caused him weeks of pain. Why would he turn around and get back together with her?

"Wait," a new thought crossed my mind, "does that mean you're going to let me go?"

"Well I told your dad that I would."

"You talked to him?" I asked.

"I wrote him a letter," Rook replied, content with himself.

"So can I leave?" I asked gently.

"Ummmm... Well I'm not sure. You're the only person in a while who's actually listened to me," he replied and the hope I'd had faded away.

"Not by choice," I muttered under my breath.

He brought his hand up and slapped me across the face.

I screamed and wasn't able to hold my tears in. He took the back of his hand and wiped them off. I flinched away in disgust.

"You know," he said shrugging his shoulders, "I think I'll keep you for a little longer."


	17. Chapter 17

*Kate's POV*

Castle turned the key and pushed the door open. He pulled the key out and held him arm open, letting me through first. He followed me through the foyer and into the living room, where I plopped down in the comfort of the couch, the cushion molding to fit me. Castle gently sat down next to me, the side of his thigh touching mine, and slipped his arm between me and the pillow to wrap it around my waist. I leaned into him, trying to push out all of the thoughts about Alexis, cuddling my head into the crook of his neck. He took my free hand and stroked it softly, rubbing circles into my palm, and I slightly smiled, reminded of the time in the precinct when we'd had our "handshake." We were drenched in silence, but it wasn't awkward, it was nice. It was mutually understood how hard today had been, and the last thing we needed was more chaos. Castle looked down at me, so I turned my head, and he planted a slow, gentle kiss on my lips.

"Kate," he said as we pulled away.

"Mm," I hummed my reply.

He shifted slightly and his eyebrows furrowed in thought as he said, "We made the announcement at 11 in the morning. It's been over 12 hours."

"Shhh," I rubbed my hand up and down his arm, attempting to comfort him as I knew where his thoughts were going.

"He'll contact us. Don't worry," I said.

A disbelieving expression crossed his face. "How?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

He sighed and pulled me closer into his chest, our heartbeats synching.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because," I answered, "think about all of the situations we've been in. We've almost died so many times and we're still here. We pull through, always. This is no exception."

He smiled slightly in amazement, nodding his head slowly, the disbelief slowly turning into trust. I turned my head to kiss him before turning back and grabbing the television remote controller and pressing the power button. I switched to the news.

"I figure we could use someone else's misfortune to distract us," I sighed and cuddled my head into his chest after placing the remote back on the table.

We watched the weather forecasts and I listened to Castle's heartbeat, my head gently moving each time he took a breath. It ended and the news switched to current events.

"This afternoon an unidentified woman in her twenties was discovered murdered in Central Park. Over to you, Amy, live at the scene."

The picture changed to a small blonde lady standing in front of the crime scene.

"We aren't able to get any closer, but as you can see, this was a pretty brutal shooting accompanied with what looks like some form of torture. All we know as of now is that it's a young woman with red hair, about 5'4". If anyone is missing a loved one who fits this description please contact us or the NYPD."

I pressed the power button on the remote. The hand he had around me tensed, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Castle, we can't know that it's her," I whispered cautiously.

He pulled away and stood up, shaking profusely and not blinking. I got up and wrapped my arms around him, stroking his head and back slowly.

"It's not her, Castle. They said 5 foot 4. She's over 5 foot 5, isn't she?" I took his hand and pulled him back down to the couch. His face was one of pure horror and shock, his eyes not moving, stirring just as much fear in me as in him.

"Babe," I said, kissing his cheek several times, "please talk to me."

Suddenly he nodded, "You're right. She's 5 foot 5 and a half."

"See, it can't be her," I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yeah, sorry about that," he looked me straight in the eye for the first time in a few minutes, "I just got lost for a little while. I'm back now."

I nodded in understanding and wrapped my arms around him. He buried his face into my shoulder. It was so difficult to see the man I was in love with in so much pain.

"It's midnight," I said as we pulled away.

He chuckled in a heart-wrenching way. A lump formed in my throat. Laughter combined with utter sadness was something I wasn't very used to. "Do you really think either of us are going to be able to sleep?" he questioned.

"Probably not," I agreed, "but we should try anyway. Neither of us have slept in days."

He breathed out heavily, but stood up, bringing me with him, "Okay."

He followed me into the bedroom, and it was evident that we didn't have the energy to get ready for bed. I kicked off my heels and fell into the bed, still in my dark jeans and turtleneck sweater. He followed closely behind, still wearing his day clothes as well. We lied on our sides of the bed, staring up at the ceiling, so intensely it was as if we were trying to see it. Still not looking at each other, his hand rubbed up against mine, and I gratefully took it. I just watched the ceiling, holding my fiance's hand, so many thoughts running through my brain. Into the wee hours of the morning we laid there, waiting for the contact from the kidnapper that would never come.


	18. Chapter 18

*Castle's POV*

_"No! Alexis! Please come back to me," I held her stiff body in my arms, trying to bring some color back into her face._

_"I'm so sorry, Dad," she whispered softly, using all of her remaining energy._

_"No, don't be sorry, it's not your fault. It's not your fault," my tears trickled down onto her body._

_"I love you, Dad," she croaked out._

_"I love you too," and with that, the life left her eyes and her body became limp, collapsing in my arms._

_"No, no. Please, no. Please, Alexis. Don't die on me," I spoke through sobs, holding her into my chest. She didn't respond and I called out, "Alexis!" She didn't reply and, even louder, I shouted, "Alexis!" Suddenly, she moved and spoke back, yelling out, "Castle!" I tried to answer but nothing came out and again she yelled, "Castle!"_

It was even louder as I heard for the third time, "Castle!" At this point, though, my eyes opened and I realized it wasn't Alexis yelling my name, it was Kate, and all of it had been a dream.

"Castle," she whispered in relief and turned over to wrap her arms around me. I found that I couldn't speak, still in such shock and horror at the incredibly vivid dream I was awaking from. She kissed the curve of my neck while rubbing up and down my arm, trying to calm me down, "It's okay, Castle. You're here, with me, in your bed, and you're okay. I'm okay. She's okay." She could see right through me. Although she didn't know the details, there was only one thing I would have nightmares about that night. Kate's forehead pressed into the underside of my jaw. She'd turned to lay completely on her side. The hand closest to the ceiling was gently playing with my hair, something she knew would always calm me down.

I gasped for air, not having realized that I'd stopped breathing, and took deep breaths. My heart rate slowed until I felt almost back to normal, well, as normal as one could be not knowing whether his daughter was dead or alive.

"Thanks," I murmured, pulling her closer as she nodded. We laid there for a few minutes. I didn't want to get up, because right then I could just focus on the feel, the smell, the sight of the beautiful woman in my arms, but when we got out of bed, life was going to start again, and I didn't want to deal with that. Eventually, though, I knew I had to. The thought crossed my mind that today might be the day, and I was up in an instant.

"Why don't you go take a shower and I'll make us some coffee. We can pick up breakfast on the way to the precinct," Kate offered, holding out her hand toward the bathroom.

I gave her a small smile, nodding gratefully as I walked across the room. I closed the door and stripped off my pajamas, stepping into the shower and letting the hot water burn against my skin. As I washed my hair and body, I couldn't help but feel guilty as I thought about how the last week's events had played themselves out. Kate had entertained me, made me dinner every night, and had comforted me when I was upset. I rinsed out the lathered shampoo in my hair, letting it slip down my face. She was practically taking care of me, and I didn't like it, but as I washed the dried tears from earlier off of my face, I realized I couldn't take care of myself, a thought so daunting and demeaning my eyes began to water.

After I was finished, I came back into the bedroom, putting on a set of clean clothes and shoes, and met Kate in the kitchen, already fully dressed with two of my travel mugs sitting in front of her on the counter. She glanced up and smiled as she saw me, standing from the barstool and bringing the coffees with her as she walked over.

"Have you checked your phone yet?"

I nodded, "No messages."

"Me neither," she sighed. "Have all your stuff?"

I felt around for my wallet and phone in the back pocket of my pants, "Yep."

She linked her arm in mine as we walked out of the door. Although this wasn't a usual thing for us, constantly feeling her next to me was very reassuring. We got in and out of the elevator quickly, and emerged from the building, getting into her car. Only as she started the car did I notice the time: 6:17 in the morning.

I laughed gently and asked, "Do you think anyone's going to even be there?"

"Hmm?" she asked as we drove off. I gestured toward the clock with my head.

"Oh, I didn't realize it was that early," she answered, "but yes, there are always people there. Unfortunately, the killers don't time the murders to fit in with our schedules. We have to fit our schedule around the murders."

My stomach knotted at the simple word. Murders.

"Or kidnappings," my voice did not sound as steady as I'd hoped.

"Right," she nodded, noticing the obvious discomfort in my voice but unsure of what to say or how to react.

"You still think it's just a kidnapping right? Not a homicide yet?" I asked shakily.

"Shh," she reached over and took my hand, her eyes still on the street. "Yes. Everything about this guy's profile tells us he sticks to his plans, and he told us he would give back Alexis when we were together again, which we are. Just give it time. I doubt he's done a single thing to harm her."

"Mmm," I replied, nodding my head. What I didn't say was that it was precisely that, though. We had no proof she wasn't hurt. We didn't even know that she was still alive. Kate was one of the smartest people I'd ever met, and yet even she "doubted" he'd harmed Alexis. Even she couldn't find any solid evidence. What was tearing me up inside was that, no matter how horrible it was, I thought it might have been better to know that Alexis was dead than stay in this state of oblivion. Knowing for sure she was alive was, of course, the best option, but I was beginning to think that knowing for sure she was gone would be easier than not knowing anything at all. It was like walking into the ocean with a blindfold on. I was just getting deeper and deeper, not knowing which way I was going, and soon I wouldn't be able to breathe. Going back to the sand was what I wanted most, but instantly drowning seemed far less painful than getting so far out I wouldn't be able to swim back. I'd rather my life end than spend it swimming in circles without any sense of direction.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, first I just wanted to say thank you for all of the reviews, favorites, and follows I've gotten. This is my first story EVER, so granted, I will make mistakes, and I do take all of the advice you leave in the reviews seriously. One of you mentioned that the back-and-forth point of view was confusing… now that I think about it, I do agree, but I'm not exactly sure how I should solve this problem. In this chapter, I'm just going to write from Kate's view as that is what I'd planned before I saw that particular review. Should I just switch to third person or just pick one character (Kate or Rick) to write from? What would you guys prefer? Please let me know as many of you are much more experienced than I, and I will gratefully take all of your criticism in hopes to improve. Thank you all again for the feedback thus far, and I hope you like this chapter!**

* * *

*Kate's POV*

"Beckett, did I or did I not get my message across clearly?" Agent McCord questioned as she organized the papers in the FBI room.

"McCord, the kidnapper didn't contact us and-" I tried to reason with her, pulling the door closed behind me as the boys pretended not to watch from outside.

"I know, and like I said, he hasn't contacted us either. But it's still how I told you it would be, Beckett! I said that if announcing your engagement didn't lure him in, we would have to proceed without you. And, unfortunately, it didn't. My decision hasn't changed nor will it in the future. You need to sit this case out."

There was no way I was going to change her mind. I had to admit that if I'd been in her place, I would have done the same thing. However, she didn't understand that it would only cause my to chase after Alexis even more. Only having been my partner for a little over a month, she didn't know how rogue I'd gone, especially with Castle. She didn't know how far I was willing to go to save his daughter, to save the girl I'd spent the past six years watching mature. No one had told her the countless time I'd gone against my captains' orders and had to have Ryan and Esposito cover for me. No one had told her that ever since Castle walked into my life, I'd started to put my emotions before the job, and I could tell that McCord wasn't the type of person to appreciate that like Montgomery had, and Gates, Castle, and the boys did. When I'd chosen to take the job in D.C., to become part of what I'd once thought of as a sort of "dream team", I'd chosen a different life. McCord was a different person with whom I could shine in certain areas but had to hold back in others. No one had made me work with her. That was all me; my choice and mine alone. That had been evident when I'd chosen the FBI job over Castle. But was there a way I could now have both? I wasn't really sure, but I did know that if it came between keeping my job and saving Alexis, I would choose the latter in a heartbeat.

So I pressed my lips together and nodded, walking out slowly and quietly pulling the door into its frame.

"How'd it go?" Castle asked, seeing my distress as I came over, us and the boys standing in a circle in the hallway, pretty close to the elevator. I'd told them all previously about McCord wanting me off the case.

I frowned as I answered, "Not well."

"I'm sorry," Ryan said. Espo nodded in agreement. They were so sweet, it pulled on the strings in my heart. I'd spent so many years with them; we'd all moved up around the same time, until I was head of my team and they were my partners. Although we did like to tease each other and make fun, there was an understanding between us of how much we all cared for one another. I knew that when I would go back to D.C., I would still have Castle. I wouldn't be working with them, though, and chances were we'd slowly drift apart, something I really wished I could prevent. Not only did I feel nostalgia to be with them, I also really missed my job. Some of the uniform officers I'd been friendly with, and Gates and I got along well. I inhaled the scent of coffee and listened to the commotion that seemed neverending in the 12th precinct. Was it bad that I wanted it back?

"It's not your fault," I finally responded, and walked next to Castle, taking his hand in mine. Regret at my decision to leave the job for the FBI was beginning to form. I needed to get out of there.

He somehow sensed my urgency and told Ryan and Esposito we would be back later to check on progress for Alexis. I pushed the button for the ground floor. Castle didn't waste one second as the doors to the elevator closed before he asked, "You okay?"

"You remember that time you followed me to LA, even though it was against Montgomery's orders?" I prompted as I smoothed down my hair.

"Of course," he saw the mischievous grin that had crept its way onto my face, "you thinking about doing the same kind of thing again?"

I nodded firmly.

"Well, rogue is my specialty," he smirked and winked. I slightly blushed and was surprised that I still got butterflies from such a simple gesture.

"My, my, Katherine Beckett. You sure are something," my blush only grew when he said this, embarrassed that he'd noticed. His arm wrapped around my waist.

"Let's go get her."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:**

**Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I'm not going to make excuses, I've just been being kind of lazy and I genuinely apologize. Will be updating much more frequently now.**

Kate's POV:

The bell hanging from the door rang as Castle and I entered the Prince's Bay Post Office for the second time. This time, however, we wouldn't be asking for the missing surveillance footage. Luckily, McCord wasn't expecting for me to continue with the investigation on my own with Castle, so I also still had my badge and gun. This would be a breeze.

"Hi, how can I-" a young woman behind the desk trailed off as I held up my badge.

"Umm… I'm gonna go get my boss," she stuttered. I nodded as she added, "Hold on a sec."

Castle stood to my right, slightly behind me, the front of his right shoulder pressing into my back.

"I can't believe we didn't think about this when we were here with McCord. This is going to be easy," he whispered behind my ear.

I leaned back into him, adrenaline rushing through me at this feeling. This magical, wonderful feeling I hadn't felt in months. This sensation was one I only felt when Castle and I were working together, side by side. After all, we were partners, and investigating with him after spending over a month with McCord just made me regret ever leaving him for the FBI. Castle and I could solve cases like no other team, and although this kidnapping territory was newfound, nothing had previously proved to me anything we _couldn't_ do when we worked together. This rhythm - this music - had shown to be endlessly amazing.

I straightened up and resumed my tall, intimidating posture as the woman we'd seen with McCord came out from around the corner. It was quite evident that she'd been informed by the other employee that we were here. She didn't even flinch.

"You're back," she said, coming out much more pleasant than I'd expected. If I'd been her, I probably wouldn't have been overjoyed at these random government check-ins.

"Yes, FBI Agent Kate Beckett, and Richard Castle."

"How can I help you?" she leaned against the counter.

"I'm assuming you keep a record of who's working when. We'll need to see that," I stated and she reached under the countertop to retrieve a notebook.

"Here you are," she handed it to me, "Will that be all?"

"For now. Thanks," Castle answered.

She nodded and turned her attention to getting the correct postage on the package of a customer who'd just walked in.

I held it open and Castle flipped through the pages until he found the certain 3pm-7pm shift we were looking for.

"Debra, Bob, and Carly were working," I shut the notebook and we walked up just as the customer paid and left.

"Well, that was quick," she wiped her hands on the sides of her shirt to get the dust from the package off.

"We'll need to speak to Debra, Bob, and Carly. Are any of them working today?" I stepped forward.

"Yes, well, um… I'm Debra, and Carly was the woman working when you guys got here. It's Bob's day off," she answered, eyes nervous and alert, confused as to what was going on.

"We're going to need his address later-" Castle began.

"But for now we'll need to talk to you," I finished.

"What about Carla?" she asked.

"We'd prefer to speak to you each separately," my mouth flattened in a straight line and her body language told me she was very anxious.

"We can just talk here, though," Castle added.

Her stiff shoulders relaxed. I could conclude that Debra thought that as long as we didn't bring her into the interrogation room she couldn't be in any real trouble. What she didn't know was that the real reason we weren't bringing her in was because we had nowhere to go.

"What can you tell me about the people that stopped by here two Saturdays evenings ago?" I asked, placing my hands down on the countertop.

"Was that the 16th?"

I nodded.

She pursed her lips until her expression brightened in remembrance as she said, "Oh! I remember that! That was a weird evening."

"Why?" Castle's eyebrows furrowed.

"There was this man who came in here, and just paced for a few minutes. Didn't even mail anything. Then he left! It was so strange," she adjusted her glasses.

"Huh," Castle mumbled.

I pulled out my phone and went into my camera roll where I had the picture of the fourth murder victim's boyfriend, the one who'd driven Alexis to Staten Island, "Did he look like this?"

"Yeah!" she exclaimed as I turned it to her, "That's him!"

"So, he just came in and walked around? Didn't do anything or ask for help?" Castle asked.

"Nope… although there was this one thing," she answered.

"What?" I stared at her.

"Well, he looked around the room when he first came in. It was almost like he was looking for something on the ceiling or something. I don't know if that means anything but I thought I'd let you know," Debra added.

I glanced at Castle before turning back to her, "So were you the only one to see him? If he wasn't in here for too long I'm assuming you weren't all out here."  
"Yeah, Carly and Bob were in the back emptying a new delivery into the P.O. boxes. I was the only one to see him."

"Alright, well I guess that's it then," I said, confused and disappointed at the lack of information we'd gotten.

"Thank you for your help," Castle shook Debra's hand.

"Of course, sorry I don't know more. Good luck," she answered.

I smiled and nodded, leading the way out the door and not looking to see if Castle had followed until I was across the parking lot and sitting in the car. I shut the door as he hopped into the passenger's seat. My arm rested over the center console, and I placed my forehead in my hand, very frustrated. This had been our only lead, one that I'd been falsely hopeful about. No matter how much I tried to push the thought out, there was a chronic achy feeling of guilt in my gut. Even after the countless times Castle had told me I was wrong, I knew it was my fault. If I had just been smarter with my emotions, if I'd just originally said yes like I should've, Alexis would never have been kidnapped, and we wouldn't have been in this situation.

Gently fingers pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and continued down to caress my cheek. His hand trailed across my face until it wrapped around mine, lightly pulling it away from my head.

"Hey, you know what I've been thinking about?" he murmured as his he leaned over the center console and pulled my head into the crook of his neck.

"Hmm?" I closed my eyes and leaned into him, breathing in, trying to push the guilt out and clear my head. Maybe then I'd be able to think without it blocking my mind.

"What would he have been looking for on the ceiling?" Castle pondered.

"I don't know," I opened my eyes, raking through my brain for an answer.

"Unless he was looking at the lights, there's only one thing I can think of," Castle said.

"What?" I sat up, intrigued.

"Security cameras."

I thought about it for awhile but couldn't come up with an answer that made sense. We knew he'd gone into the security room and purposefully removed the tape from that day. Why would he be looking for the cameras when he came in? Unless…

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"I know this is a long shot but… is it possible that - the mastermind of this whole operation being such a huge fan and all - maybe he was just trying to see how we interacted with each other? He probably knew we'd figure out that Scott Robinson came here with Alexis and Kayla, which means he realized McCord, you, and I would come here to check it out," I prompted.

"That was the first time really that we'd been together in a public setting since the, uh, breakup, and he might've just been trying to see what the chances were that he could convince us to get back together," Castle finished.

I grinned, "Exactly."  
"Wow," he said, "This actually makes a lot of sense. Unfortunately, though, it doesn't help us much."

"Unless we can track who's tapped into their security network," I pointed out.

Castle smiled and pulled out his phone. "I'll call Ryan and Esposito," he said as he dialed, "This could work."  
I nodded and agreed, "This could work."


End file.
